Dear ...

Dear Menoe and Grace,

Please stop taking orphans under your wing. You do realise I'm going to have to think up horrible deaths for their parents at some stage. Yes, I know that there was a lot of illness in medieval society, and as such that is a ready excuse. That doesn't excuse your actions. You come up with the deaths. I don't want to. I know you're generous, I love that you're generous, but come on! 9 and a half orphans, as well as your own son is enough! Learn to say no. Please. Thank you, however, for providing such interesting stories for the word count. You can see I rewarded you with your own son for your excellent contribution. Congratulations.

Love,
Your Adoring Author, who may or may not strangle you. NO MORE ORPHANS.

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Dear Author,

Stop rabbiting on about the stupid orphan backstories. Or at least write about them in a mildly interesting and sophisticated way. Why the heck did you choose orphans for heavens sake??? Everything sounds so morbid! Get on with the story for heaven's sake.

Love,
The Author

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Dear Eleth,

Please stop badgering me. I know you want to be included, I want you to be included. You just have to be patient. She hasn't even made it to breakfast yet. She can hardly eavesdrop on you if she's faint with hunger. She has to talk to Joet first. No I don't love Joet more than you. Yet. I love you, Eleth, I swear, but honest to god, I think we may have ourselves a little love triangle happening. I swear I don't love him more than you. I promise.

Love,
Your Devoted Author

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Dear Joet,

What the heck is happening with you? You haven't even said anything yet and I'm falling in love with you. I think that after your part is over, you may have to be re-introduced later. I really do. So hurry up and ask her to cover for you while you go see your lady friend. She may even feel a little jealous. Then you can corner Serah to find out where she really is, and go off and rescue/join her. I think you'll have to wait until after the battle however. Sorry. I see infinite possibilities for you!

Love,
Your Author Whose Affections are Increasing (Don't tell Eleth)

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Alaena,

What is the point of your story. Seriously. I know that you have to go save the kingdom. I know that you want equality. But you're falling into the trap of being one of those annoying charcters who seem to know everything. You're only 19!! You can't know everything!! You can't suspect whatshisname from the start. You're going to have to trust him first. Don't blame this on me. I know that it's entirely my fault - but I'm blaming it on you!! I blamed you first.

Love,
Your Confused and Annoyed Author

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Dear Whatshisname,

I know I gave you a name, but I don't like it anymore. Get a new one!! That is all.

Love,
Your Name-Searching Author

P.S. Don't you dare become a love interest. I'm not dealing in love squares. She'll hate you anyway. You can't avoid it. Sorry. Y.A.